1. Your idea of a drink isn’t some dessert wine, a fruity cocktail or a cosmo – it’s a beer. A pint of delicious ice-cold beer.
2. Conversations about manicures, the latest beauty trends, cool new hairstyles etc completely lose your attention.
3. But okay, to be honest, being a complete failure at painting your own nails may have something to do with that.
(I’m sorry but that last one looks remarkably like my rabbit’s cecotropes – as in shit. It literally looks like shit.)
4. When you watch the Oscars, you are actually interested in the films that win Oscars, instead of the people labelled “best-dressed” or whatever it’s called.
5. You try really hard to engage in conversation with other girls, but eventually you end up saying something completely inappropriate… and the conversation dies down into a painful, painful awkward silence.
6. You can’t deal with other girls’ indecisiveness about everything.
“So what do you guys wanna eat?”
“I don’t know… I really want a burger but I’m really watching my weight so I don’t think I should maybe I should get a salad but I’ve been eating so many greens I’m so sick of it maybe we should check out this new seafood place but I heard it isn’t that great blah blah blah blah blah”
7. And watching the way some other girls deal with relationships completely drives you crazy.
Girly girl: “Guy A is so sweet and nice and amazing but Guy B is so cute I don’t know what to do blah blah blah blah blah”
Me: “I want to kill you”
8. You just can’t get excited about the stuff that usually gets girls excited.
Girly girls: “Omg cats, unicorns, flowers, lipstick, shopping yay!”
9. You find gossip a little tedious at times.
10. But you must admit – you do get sucked into it from time to time heh.
11. Squealing gives you hives.
12. You never understood the concept of hugging your friends every time you say hi and bye. Like. Like. Like. Why.
13. You’d rather kick back with a beer at a park or someone’s home than go for brunch or shopping together for hours on end.
14. On that note, you firmly believe that shopping should be a solo affair. It’s so much quicker – and you don’t have to lie about whether something looks good on your friend!
15. You have no idea how to deal with other people’s feelings.
16. You cringe whenever someone screams “LET’S TAKE A SELFIE”
17. And you can never understand the whole going-to-the-toilet-in-groups thing. Why would you want to hear each other tinkle?
18. You know girls are supposed to share clothes and makeup and stuff. But having someone use the same lipstick as you really, really grosses you out.
19. But hey if anyone ever needs a spare tampon, you got this.
20. You can totally appreciate a hot guy like Ryan Gosling – but you simply can’t gush over anyone for more than a minute. Like what more can you say after “Oh wow he’s cute”?
21. You hate it when you have to wait for people to snap a million shots of their food before eating. Like. Food is for eating man. Not taking photos of!
22. Oh, and salads and yoghurt? THOSE ARE NOT MEALS. BURGERS AND STEAKS ARE MEALS.
23. You relate so much better to celebrities like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Jennifer Lawrence as opposed to Gwyneth Paltrow, Jessica Alba or… any character on Sex and the City.