(Facebook — Straits Times)
Yesterday, the PSI (Pollutant Standards Index) in Singapore hit 155, which is well into the unhealthy range (101-200) set by the National Environment Agency. For anyone who isn’t from Singapore, we get this insane haze like once a year because our neighbouring country, Indonesia, likes to organise nationwide barbecues to unify their people.
Just kidding, they like to burn down forests for plantations.
But anyway, naturally, Singaporeans’ immediate reactions were to make jokes about it. We are, after all, a funny people. So if you’re feeling left out and don’t know how to jump in with your own joke, here’s a guide to help you out!
1. Talk about how you don’t need a filter for Instagram anymore!
Like in most other tech-savvy countries, Singaporeans loovvvveeee Instagram – we’ve even come up with an acronym for it: IG. Thanks to the haze, we no longer need filters to beautify our IG photos! Simply point and snap with your phone camera! The SG Haze provides an automatic, unique smokey effect to all IG photos and saves you that one pesky step of painstakingly choosing your filters. Best of all, it’s free! Smoke screen your images on IG today! Available for a limited time only.
2. Make a reference to tobacco smoke.
“Beijing residents joke that to get a free smoke all they have to do is open their windows!” – PM Lee Hsien Loong
“Karma, bro. Karma.” – Me.
That was made some time ago during a US speech that stunned the world – who knew the Prime Minister of death penalty-wielding, chewing gum-banning Singapore had a sense of humour!
But some of us peasants do have a sense of humour too okay?
” The haze is so bad that one of my friends decided to quit smoking.”
“Since Singaporeans are constantly complaining that cigarettes are way too expensive. Mother Nature is letting you guys smoke for free now.”
Haw. haw. haw. We are so funny.
BUT if you’re REALLY hardcore, take the joke to a higher level! Make a reference to smoking pot! Don’t worry, it won’t set off any alarm bells for the CNB… Or will it?
I quite liked this one by Esquire Singapore.
Here’s one from me, free of charge:
“This haze is dope.”
HAHAHAHA. Geddit? No? Okay…
3. Engage in bad photoshop work
Okay lah, bad photoshop work aside, they are pretty funny. Heh. The fan was so well placed that I didn’t realise it was on top of the Singapore Flyer (the world’s biggest ferris wheel) so they actually meant to say like we should turn the speed up on the Flyer to blow the haze back to Indonesia. Smart right? It took me a day to get it. HAHAHAHA.
4. Silent Hill References
Photoshop – pass.
If you’re not familiar with the film, you may also make references to Genting. Anything along the lines of “SG is like genting now, but hotter” or “Am in the highlands? Cos it sure feels like Genting” will do just fine ;)
After all the jokes were done, night came and went away, and we woke up to a lower PSI of 115 at 9am.
And we learnt that we needn’t have come up with all those jokes yesterday, because the best had yet to come.
To which I can only respond with gifs:
Thanks for reading!