How to make jokes about the SG Haze

SG Haze Singapore Flyer

(Facebook — Straits Times)

Yesterday, the PSI (Pollutant Standards Index) in Singapore hit 155, which is well into the unhealthy range (101-200) set by the National Environment Agency. For anyone who isn’t from Singapore, we get this insane haze like once a year because our neighbouring country, Indonesia, likes to organise nationwide barbecues to unify their people.

Just kidding, they like to burn down forests for plantations.

But anyway, naturally, Singaporeans’ immediate reactions were to make jokes about it. We are, after all, a funny people. So if you’re feeling left out and don’t know how to jump in with your own joke, here’s a guide to help you out!

1. Talk about how you don’t need a filter for Instagram anymore!

SGAG Instagram SG Haze

Like in most other tech-savvy countries, Singaporeans loovvvveeee Instagram – we’ve even come up with an acronym for it: IG. Thanks to the haze, we no longer need filters to beautify our IG photos! Simply point and snap with your phone camera! The SG Haze provides an automatic, unique smokey effect to all IG photos and saves you that one pesky step of painstakingly choosing your filters. Best of all, it’s free! Smoke screen your images on IG today! Available for a limited time only.

2. Make a reference to tobacco smoke.

“Beijing residents joke that to get a free smoke all they have to do is open their windows!” – PM Lee Hsien Loong

“Karma, bro. Karma.” – Me.

That was made some time ago during a US speech that stunned the world – who knew the Prime Minister of death penalty-wielding, chewing gum-banning Singapore had a sense of humour!

But some of us peasants do have a sense of humour too okay?

” The haze is so bad that one of my friends decided to quit smoking.”

“Since Singaporeans are constantly complaining that cigarettes are way too expensive. Mother Nature is letting you guys smoke for free now.”

Haw. haw. haw. We are so funny.

BUT if you’re REALLY hardcore, take the joke to a higher level! Make a reference to smoking pot! Don’t worry, it won’t set off any alarm bells for the CNB… Or will it?

I quite liked this one by Esquire Singapore.

Snoop Dogg SG Haze

Here’s one from me, free of charge:

“This haze is dope.”

HAHAHAHA. Geddit? No? Okay…

3. Engage in bad photoshop work

SG Haze Fan Sgag

SG Haze Sun Wu Kong Sgag

Okay lah, bad photoshop work aside, they are pretty funny. Heh. The fan was so well placed that I didn’t realise it was on top of the Singapore Flyer (the world’s biggest ferris wheel) so they actually meant to say like we should turn the speed up on the Flyer to blow the haze back to Indonesia. Smart right? It took me a day to get it. HAHAHAHA.

4. Silent Hill References

Silent Hill OriginalSilent Hill SG Haze

Photoshop – pass.

If you’re not familiar with the film, you may also make references to Genting. Anything along the lines of “SG is like genting now, but hotter” or “Am in the highlands? Cos it sure feels like Genting” will do just fine ;)

5. ???

After all the jokes were done, night came and went away, and we woke up to a lower PSI of 115 at 9am.

And we learnt that we needn’t have come up with all those jokes yesterday, because the best had yet to come.

Indonesian spokesman quote SG Haze

SG Haze 2

SG Haze 3

SG Haze 4

To which I can only respond with gifs:

joker slow clap

the rock slow clap

slow clap 2  mad men slow clap

 

 

Thanks for reading!

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24 comments

  1. That big fan though. HAHAHA!

  2. […] How To Make Jokes About The SG Haze […]

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog and following… much appreciated :)

    1. No problem :)

  4. Hilarious!!! LOL.. thanks for sharing :)

  5. […] Wrote my most popular post yet! My post on How to Make Jokes About the SG Haze got my blog an all-time high of 1232 views in a day and, as of now, has been read by 2629 people […]

  6. […] ‘How to make jokes about the Singapore smog,’ by Natalie Kay-Es-El, WordPress, https://nkayesel.wordpress.com/2013/06/18/how-to-make-jokes-about-the-sg-haze/ […]

  7. Good to see your sense of humor when there is so much panic around!

  8. Hey Nat,
    Thanks for following my blog. Was the story…engaging? :)
    By the way. The haze has reached 290 PSI! “Very Unhealthy.”
    Bring out the big fans. Lol.

  9. Reblogged this on somethingboutrenes and commented:
    I totally need to reblog this. This babe is way too funny! Hahaha.

    1. Haha thanks babe!

  10. will you be my best friend? This post is awesome.

    1. Hahahaha thanks!

  11. hahahaha. omg, you are hilarious babe!

  12. Dr. Fuzz · · Reply

    Hi Natalie! I’ve just nominated your blog for a Super Sweet Blogging Award: http://louisandmelcomics.wordpress.com/2013/06/18/yay/
    Hope you have a wonderful day :)

    1. Wow brilliant! Thank you :)

  13. i likes this lots :D

    1. Yay! You back in SG already?

      1. I’m back now!

  14. so the haze pretty bad, i really feel sorry for it, as Indonesian, but pardon me, which part of Indonesia that burns down forests for plantations right now? because i live surrounded by forest and now is rainy season in Indonesia, so it would be hard to burn the fort down.. *just curious*

    1. Hello! thanks for your comment. There was a infographic in our main newspaper today but I can’t find it in high-res. Here’s a small pic http://www.straitstimes.com/sites/straitstimes.com/files/hazeskybox1806.jpg

      The closest urban area to the fires is Dumai, Riau, apparently. According to: http://www.straitstimes.com/the-big-story/the-haze-singapore/story/haze-looms-over-region-hot-spots-multiply-20130617

      1. Ah, Dumai, i see, it really close to Singapore.
        Really sorry for that. i live at Kalimantan Island, sometimes at the other season the forest burn easily..

        1. Haha don’t need to apologise! yah these things happen. We’re just taking all of it with a pinch of salt. At least Singaporeans are making jokes about it rather than being aggressive and stuff.

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