I’m a 22-year-old with an average expenditure of $800 a month. I don’t have a regular income, I go out quite a bit for school, work and dates, and I have little to no self-discipline. So yeah, you could say I know a thing or two about being broke.
So I’ve come up with a list of stupid shit I’ve done when broke. Though I think a large part of it happened back when I was in school and spending ridiculous amounts of my student allowance on booze and cigarettes.
But I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has done these things because I sure had a lot of people doing stupid shit like this with me HAHA.
So yeah. These are absolute definite signs that you are broke. Let’s play some Macklemore Thrift Shop to get in the mood.
20 Signs You’re Broke
1. Marketing terms like “BUY TWO GET ONE FREE” absolutely thrill you. Your catchphrase is “GUYS, FREE STUFF, GUYS!” as you barrel through crowds to get to the sale while your friends trail silently behind you, heads in paper bags.
2. Your reaction to “Wanna club?” is always “Is entry free?” If the answer is yes, you’re good to go. If it isn’t, then suddenly you’ve got everything from a family dinner to a family death going on that night.
3. You keep a coin purse for “emergencies” which is essentially every last week of the month. Isn’t it funny how you can blow $500 in three weeks, and stretch $20 worth of coins in one?
4. You’ve asked friends to transfer $4 to your bank account so you can draw the minimum $20 at the ATM.
5. You curse the day DBS decided to put a $50 minimum at what seems to be 90% of ATMs around the country.
6. You regift gifts. “Happy Birthday, Gillian! Oh you gave me this book for my birthday? That must be a coincidence, I must’ve forgotten! Oh it says Happy Birthday Natalie, Love Gillian inside? I must’ve wrapped the wrong one! Teehee!” Cue awkward silence.
7. You hang around ATMs at the hour your pay is about to come in.
8. You and your mates have borrowed money from each other so often that you’ve all lost count of who owes whom how much. But it’s okay, because you’re all so broke it couldn’t have been much anyway!
9. You hang around the smoking area hoping to buy single cigarettes from acquaintances because you can’t afford a full pack.
10. You look at a discarded cigarette pack on the floor of the smoking area and consider looking inside to see if there are any cigs left.
11. You actually do pick up the discarded cigarette pack to check if there’re any cigarettes left.
12. You think Mcdonald’s $2 double cheeseburgers are a god send.
13. You wonder if the alcohol in hand sanitizer can get you high so you don’t have to spend money on booze.
14. When insurance agents approach you on the streets and try to sell you a savings plan you just laugh. and laugh. and laugh.
15. You cut up old clothes and “redesign” them because you can’t afford new ones. You try to tell yourself that it makes you look artsy, but you know deep down that it just makes you look poor.
16. You suddenly find a whole lot of things that you need for school. “Mum, could I have some money for new pens, textbooks, files, notebooks, socks, erasers, rulers, pencils, pen refills and extra reading materials please?” You’re not stealing from your parents – you’ll buy those things! Eventually… just not now.
17. You try to convince your friends to invite you over for dinner so you don’t have to spend anything, and your own parents don’t know how broke you are.
18. You know all the timings for taxi surcharges by heart. Scrape that. You know the timings for the last buses to your house by heart. Cabs – pft! Overpriced buses with extra legroom, I say.
19. It feels like christmas when you find a dollar in your bag by surprise.
20. You play make believe that you’re pimping it up at home, when you’re honestly just too fucking broke to go out.
Thanks for reading!