Hi, welcome to the working world. Where your degree means as much as a Twilight movie stub and bullshitting skills rank #1 regardless of jobscope. Nevermind if you’re blue-collar or white-collar, middle-management or a dang CEO of an SME, just learn to bullshit and you’re home free.
Three years in university is reduced to three lines on your CV, more if you’re active in school, and a photocopied certificate to accompany. It’ll be your entrance to, well, the next best thing to your dream job – oh, if you have contacts of course, which would buy you an interview where you either shine with genuine experience and wit, or just plain bullshit.
We’ve all done it at job interviews before; play up mediocre achievements to make them sound like they’re worth something. Blah Blah Association Organising Committee Member? What you say: Yes, sir, I played a pivotal role in putting together numerous events that really built up team spirit and created a sense of camaraderie amongst the members. Fact: The group did nothing all year except set up a booth during Open House where you stuck around long enough to let people know you were there, then snuck off to the back of the school to guzzle down some beers.
Congratulations, you’ve hoodwinked the interviewer and got the job. And let’s face it, most jobs have nothing to do what what you learnt in school so you sit by your desk daily, praying to god you’re making the right calls each time, with no one to sit you down and nanny you through each task. You’re going to fuck up. You’re going to make mistakes. But it’s okay because no one outside your office will know.
People only know what you tell them, especially when you’re such a small fry that business associates can’t really be bothered to even talk about you. Just act busy, make sure you mention your late hours on twitter, make a big show of talking to up-and-comers on Facebook and complain – as much as possible. Complain about working late, complain about your boss giving you too much work, while subtly hinting that it’s because you’re so amazing at it, and, most of all, complain about work being your whole life and how much you loathe it.
You’d be amazed at how easily you can get away with slight but significant alterations to the truth. When you’ve entered the working world, you are no longer a person, you’re a product and your most important task now is to brand yourself.
Yes, good for you if you’re hardworking, intelligent, think quick on your feet and incredibly talented; but better for you if you know the art of bullshit, even if you don’t have those qualities.
That’s why the idiot “web designer” in the cubicle next to yours has kept his job all these years even though he still believes in flash and optimises everything to Internet Explorer.
Because he can talk. And anyone who isn’t in the creative industry wouldn’t recognise great design/copy/ideas if it hit’em in the face. It’s frustrating. I’m frustrated. It seems like it doesn’t matter how good you are at your skill, because someone’s going to come along and bullshit their way up ahead of you.
That’s what gets you up in the world, that’s the direction we’re all aiming for and that’s all that floats around us eventually. Bullshit.
On a separate, yet somehow thinly related note, this is amazing from The Oatmeal. Funny as usual, but meaningful and in a way, a little sad. Just the way I like things because I”m disturbed like that.